If you are thinking about adopting from foster care, think about it…and then run the other way. Run as fast as you can, and don’t look back. Don’t even bother. It is not worth it. Being a foster home is not worth the effort, because you do not get the support you need from NH DCYF.
These kids are so much more damaged than what will ever show up in any paperwork that you will see. The paperwork is mostly wrong too. They have diagnosis’ that are incorrect, and they are put on meds that aren’t needed…they are basically medically leashed. This makes it easier on the case worker. If they child is medicated, they won’t have as many issues to deal with. Lord, forbid that they educate, rather than medicate!
The case workers don’t tell you the whole truth, because if they did, the kids would never be placed. This goes for foster homes, as well as foster to adopt homes. Many of the children, especially older teens, are just biding time, and will go back to their biological families. They don’t want to be taken, and they probably shouldn’t have been taken. The NH DCYF has taken many children with a heavy hand that shouldn’t have left their biological families. The scars of these children go deep, and many of them will never be repaired.
The children are not being properly prepared for family life or life in general. They are not being prepared for real life as we know it. They are in foster homes that don’t really care about the child. Many foster homes are in it for the money.
While we, as foster parents have to take classes, these kids are just allowed to have “behaviours”. Why isn’t someone teaching them that behaviours aren’t going to get you a family? Why aren’t they being educated, rather than medicated?
They have been abused and neglected by their birth parents. They get abused and neglected again by a warped foster care system. The same system who pulls them out of an unhealthy home, just to juggle them from foster home to foster home like some sort of chess game. Many of these foster homes aren’t much better than the homes they came out of. This we were told several times by case worker in three different states.
There are so many problems with the system, but the biggest problem we found, was that they are not teaching these kids real life. They allow their behaviours to continue by giving them the excuse of “you’ve had a hard life”. Well, who hasn’t had some sort of loss or trauma in their life. I know several of my peers that were abused as kids, but they didn’t act out. Why? Because they weren’t given the permission that these kids are given. Someone should be teaching them that trauma or loss does not give you the license to act out.
If someone was to ask us about foster care and adoption, we would tell them to run, and run fast in the opposite direction.
Adoption from foster care. A decision we regret daily. Don’t make the same mistake we did.